I think this is gonna be a long blog. Read on if you wish, but I've already warned you.

I was lying down to get to sleep yesterday and for whatever reason, I couldn't. So, as most of us do, I started thinking about random people/things. And then I remembered this girl back in high school- in Spring Valley, NY. I had a big crush on her and spent all my time with her after school. But just as you probably did, I was petrified to tell her. What if she didn't want to hang out with me anymore? The possibility of me not hanging out with her after school was mind numbing, so for a long time I didn't tell her. This is how crushes go I suppose, especially for a boy who was as shy as me at the time. After a few weeks of building myself up, I finally did it and told her I'd liked her and so on. I think I very weakly (and stupidly) asked if she felt the same. Her answer: "No.." Ouch. And the she added dryly, "I know, I broke your heart, didn't I." So I thought of that last night and went, "That b*tch...hmm.. wonder what she's upto in life now.." and I Google searched her. Within a few minutes I was chatting with her. It'd been almost a decade since I'd spoken to her.

Now here's the interesting part- I don't know how I feel after that conversation. As in, usually when you hear from old college or high school friends, it's like, "Oh crap! HEY! Yeah this is what I'm upto!" But if you've read the About Me section on my page, you'll notice that I hated New York with a passion. And even talking to her- though fine by itself- lent itself to reminding me of who I was at that time. And what I disliked.

Just think about those days that you have when you feel that everything is going wrong. Everything. You just want it to end, want to get to bed, and hopefully start over. You knew (just knew!) that so much of it was your fault, and that you could just hide somewhere. Then on top of that your parents are mad at you for something, and you realize that you can't talk to your best friend right now. That was my life from 14-16 in New York. (Note: Not NYC- I was a tad bit more upstate...Rockland County... I pray I never live there again. I really dig NYC.) Every single day. And I just thought of all that, and it made me shudder.

If this were an essay, I suppose this might be the appropriate section where I could put, "In conclusion...". But you know, I guess some things of your life, no matter how much you've grown past it and learned from it... they still never fail to sting. I look at my life now and I'm so glad- I have a wonderful woman in my life whom I love dearly and loves me in return, I'm doing acting which I love, and have a family that supports me. I really couldn't ask for more. And that makes me happy. Very.. very...


happy.